I'm really bummed out this morning. We had another REALLY rough episode with Princess last night. Three hours of crazies. She's in so much pain. It seems like she thinks we don't see it so she keeps upping her acting out to show us. We see it!!! We SEE IT! Last night she even cut her hair to show us, among other crazy, frustrating, overwhelming, exhausting behavior. Three hours of it. THREE HOURS.
She finally admitted that she is so very afraid that we're going to get rid of her just like we did the puppy. Numerous foster and pre-adoptive families couldn't handle her. They were stressed and asked for her to be removed. Just like what we did with the puppy. She trusted that we could handle her, but now she's not so sure. She's confused, angry and terrified.
This morning was a challenge. Nothing major, but her emotions and defenses are still running amok.
Even though our hearts are breaking over the pain she's in, Hubster and I are exhausted. I don't know how Hubster has the strength and energy to substitute teach middle school. I'm fighting the urge to drop to the floor and spend the day curled up in a ball.
Words of encouragement, prayers, Reiki, vibes, good thoughts, warm wishes, whatever you've got would be much appreciated right now.
Breathing in anxiety, breathing out calm ... and sending it your way!
ReplyDeleteI also just what I want to say how much I appreciate the nonjudgmental way you write about Princess's challenges. Sometimes when I read things by parents of challenging children I get the impression that the parent sees the child as "bad" and wants to communicate that to the reader. I understand that the parent is exhausted and needing empathy, but it still makes me sad that they see their child that way. You see and portray Princess as _hurt_, and that is so key. Even when you are at your lowest, your love for her shines through in your posts.
I hope you all get a break soon!
I'm kinda there with you! This stuff is hard! Sometimes we just need to know we're not alone in this fight. I'm so not rocking the weight loss thing, either. :/ Trying to get off sugar is proving to make me crave it even more than I did before. UGH! Hang in there. You can do this and so can I!
ReplyDeleteWe had to give back an adopted dog within a month of the kids coming to live with us. It attacked and almost killed one of our other dogs because my new daughter (11 at the time)was feeding all the dogs treats and didn't understand that the dogs were establishing who was alpha. She was almost bitten.
ReplyDeleteGiving the dog back because of it's aggressive behavior, when our new son (13 at the time) was doing the same thing... horrible!
I won't say it was easy, and I hope you talk to her about your concerns, even if it's just "guessing" that this might be confusing/scary. Lots and lots of reassurance that it's NOT the same thing and you are her last mom and you love her no matter what. Have you tried "prescribing?"
I do have to say that while it doesn't help you right now, every time my children do something that would have gotten them sent away before, and they're still here... reinforces the fact that there's nothing they can do to make me stop loving them. I just wish 5 years of love was enough to make them believe they are loved and worthy.
I will continue praying for you!!
Mary
Sending you both hugs and good wishes and hope that working through this fear and pain may be a chance to let a little more of it escape out of Princess's balloon. {}
ReplyDeleteGood vibes coming your way. It's hard.
ReplyDeleteRemember in Finding Nemo when Peach the starfish is sliding down the tank wall saying "Find a happy place find a happy place..."? XOXOX
ReplyDeleteHey...I hope you all are doing okay tonight...so sorry for all the fear (on probably everyone's part...)
ReplyDeleteI really liked what Marythemom said, "...every time my children do something that would have gotten them sent away before, [... and] they're still here."
Maybe lovingly call that to your Princess's attention and together relish in that forever fact...
Sending your family good thoughts tonight... :)
Rachel
Hugs to you and your hubby... It isn't easy but you are doing a great job. It is going to get better...
ReplyDeleteMelissa
I'm sending everything I've got, hoping that things get easier. Maybe this is the last resistance in the back of her brain and she just needs to get it out to finally accept that she is yours for good. I hope so. Take care of yourself.
ReplyDeletepraying.
ReplyDeletekeep on keepin' on!
Sending good thoughts your way, and congratulations on losing 5 pounds!
ReplyDeletePerhaps I can help in person in the future: We're moving to Orlando! You might remember when you asked folks last week or the week before to say where we lived I said Maine but... Well, now I can officially tell people we're moving! I live somewhere down there although I'm not sure exactly where. But maybe we can meet? I'll be that as of April 1 (or a little before), alone till schools gets out and DH & Nutmeg join me around July 1.
ReplyDeleteI'm about 2 hours southeast of Orlando. Would love to meet up some time! Are you on facebook? There's a small central Florida trauma mom group you might be interested in!
DeleteSending you much love and peace. {{{hugs}}}} too
ReplyDelete