Princess on Her Babyhood

I lost a follower yesterday.  Maybe they didn't like all the RuPaul talk.  And, yup, I totally keep track of the number of followers.  Lame, I know.

I let Princess stay home from school yesterday, since she was exhausted from not sleeping the night before and had a headache.  She didn't sleep during the day, but she lounged quietly in our bed watching TV and eating Popscicles.  She was so cute and sweet!  It was super hard to work and not crawl in bed with her!  Thankfully, she had a good sleep last night.  And so did both Hubster and I!  She got in bed with me at 7 and we had some good snuggling.  I was actually dreaming about her when she woke me up.  I was pushing a younger her in a stroller past some woods and we saw a raccoon the size of a tiger. 

We had some tears when it was time to leave for school this morning.  It was a three day weekend.  Going back after a long weekend is always a little hard for her and then she stayed home yesterday, which made it even more difficult.  She did a good job talking about it.  We did a few things to help with the transition:

1.  She packed the giant stuffed snake she purchased at the zoo Monday in her backpack.  It's her favorite colors - lime green and black - and named Laurie.  She bought it with money Hubster gave her for proving she has her multiplication tables memorized.  I think she's known them for a long, long while, but was afraid to demonstrate it to him in case she messed up.

2.  I'm having lunch with her at school today.

3.  She got dressed in her school uniform and then put her nightgown back on over it.  I gave her a really soft nightgown for Christmas and she is totally obsessed with it.  It's actually a t-shirt dress, but it's big on her, so she sleeps in it.

Getting her take it off the week after Christmas was a challenge.  She wanted to wear it day and night - and did for many days.  I told her that if she couldn't handle letting me wash it, I would need to hold on to it until she could.  I didn't notice at the time, but the dress disappeared.  We only recently found it when I was helping her organize her drawers.  She was afraid I was going to take it so she hid it and then forgot where she put it.  So she wore it to school over her uniform and took it off right before she got out of the car.  She brought it with her in her backpack.

4.  I parked the car and walked her in to school instead of going through the drop off loop.  I held her hand and walked her all the way to the office.  She stopped for hugs twice along the way.  All the other parents walking in kids were going to the pre-kindergarten wing, but that's okay.

Weight loss Wednesday update:  I'm starting Weight Watchers online with some of my trauma momma besties (thanks, Quakenbaby!)  We all have a pretty big chunk to lose and I'm excited to team up with them.

As I mentioned, we babysat an 8-month-old Saturday.  We had her all day.  Princess was great with her and really enjoyed caring for her.  It helped that this little baby girl is incredibly calm, happy and just all around easy!  She probably cried for less than two minutes total all day.  Princess loved feeding her, dressing her, pushing her in the stroller, carrying her around and playing with her.  She even painted her little toenails!

The next morning, Princess said, "I bet I wasn't like Baby C when I was a baby."  I asked what she meant.  She said, "I think I cried a lot."  I asked why she thought that. 


"Because I probably didn't have enough food and no one probably changed my diaper right away when I needed it and stuff.   That makes babies cry a lot.  And that makes them grow hurt parts."

I wish I could tell her she was wrong, that she was absolutely cared for in the way she deserved as a baby, but she and I both know that is unlikely.  I do tell her that I'm certain her first parents loved her because how could they not have loved amazing little her?   I reassure her that her Dad and I are with her now and we're doing our best to make up for all she missed out on.  But it still breaks my heart.

So much insight for an eleven year old into her early start in life and understanding of how it impacts her now.  I wish there wasn't a need for her to have such knowledge of infant brain development and attachment .  I teach this stuff at the college level and she gets it in a way many of my students just can't.  I hate that so much trauma was heaped on her, but I know she's going to use it to help many people. 

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